THE $INTERN HANDBOOK
The complete employee handbook. Please read before your first shift. Nobody reads it. Read it.
$INTERN is “The Unpaid Intern” — a trading-floor intern hired on OCT 19, 1987 (Black Monday, the worst day in market history; great first day, kid). He was handed a coffee pot, told the paperwork would be sorted, and never paid, never promoted. Thirty-nine years later he is still there, carrying coffee for the 4,444 brokers of the StonkBrokers collection on Robinhood Chain.
He no longer wants a promotion. He wants what is owed. $INTERN is his back pay — a memecoin, for entertainment, with a straight face and a crooked tie.
Supply: 1,000,000,000 $INTERN. Contract: TBA — until it is posted in the footer of this site and on @UnpaidSince87, every address claiming to be $INTERN is a scam.
Launch: fair launch on Stonk Launcher via bonding curve — no presale, no team allocation. Buys and sells trade on the curve until the graduation threshold is reached; the launcher then finalizes the token into a Uniswap V3 pool with automatic LP, a fee splitter, and a staking vault.
Bonus mechanic from the launcher itself: a slice of every curve's trading fee feeds the Opening Bell buyback bar — a provably-random market buyback that targets a live bonding-curve token, with odds weighted by the fees each token generates. Every $INTERN trade is also a lottery ticket for a random $INTERN buyback. The intern approves of free coffee.
Every $INTERN trade pays a creator fee — on the bonding curve first, then from the Uniswap V3 pool's swap fees after graduation, forever. After 39 years, that fee is the intern's first paycheck. He routes all of it back to the office:
| Destination | Share | Purpose |
|---|---|---|
| ☕ COFFEE FUND | 40% | streams into the Coffee Pot — more trading, bigger jackpots |
| 💵 PAYROLL VAULT | 35% | the staking pool, split by stake × grade weight |
| 🗑️ THE SHREDDER | 15% | buyback & burn — compromising documents destroyed quarterly |
| 📎 OFFICE SUPPLIES | 10% | marketing, listings, artists, actual coffee |
Splits fund the marketing program. Final numbers locked and published at TGE.
The staking desk, at /payroll. Clock In stakes your $INTERN and starts your seniority clock. Stay clocked in and you climb the ladder — the same tier weights the brokers upstairs use:
| Grade | Tenure | Payday weight |
|---|---|---|
| Intern | 0d–3d | 1.0× |
| Junior Analyst | 3d–7d | 1.25× |
| Analyst | 7d–14d | 1.6× |
| Associate | 14d–30d | 2.0× |
| Vice President | 30d+ | 3.33× |
The Payroll Vault receives 35% of creator fees and splits it pro rata: payday = pool × (your stake × weight) ÷ Σ(all stakes × weights). Not an APY, not a promise — a share of whatever the office actually earns. Clock Out unstakes and resets seniority to zero; Cash Paycheck claims accrued rewards without ending the shift.
The jackpot game, at /coffeepot. The 40% Coffee Fund share of every trade streams into a pot. Every 3 hours a round closes and one employee takes the entire pot.
Entry: hold at least 0.1% of supply (1,000,000 $INTERN, wallet + staked both count) and press Grab a Coffee. One entry per wallet per round. Odds: weighted by holdings, capped at 10% effective weight per wallet so no whale drinks alone. Settlement: when the round ends, anyone can Ring the Bell — the ringer draws the winner and earns a 1% tip from the pot. Nobody entered? The pot rolls over to the next shift.
Promotional game. Availability may be restricted where you live — check your local laws.
Now (pre-TGE): the site is open, the machines are installed and running in demo mode. The pot and countdown you see are simulated; no real positions, entries, or winners exist. All action buttons are locked with a LIVE AT TGE notice.
At TGE: $INTERN launches on Stonk Launcher, the contract address is posted in the footer and on X, the Buy button goes live, and the Payroll Machine and Coffee Pot unlock with real on-chain data. The TGE countdown on the homepage is, and HR wishes to be clear about this, not evidence of a date.
The office is on Robinhood Chain — chain ID 4663, currency ETH.
- ▸ RPC: https://rpc.mainnet.chain.robinhood.com
- ▸ Explorer: robinhoodchain.blockscout.com
Getting in: bridge ETH to Robinhood Chain, connect your wallet here (it will offer to add the network — your badge appears in the top right), then buy on Stonk Launcher once the CA is posted. Full steps in the Employee Handbook on the homepage.
$INTERN is a memecoin created for entertainment. It has no intrinsic value, no utility promise, and no expectation of profit. Nothing on this site is financial, investment, legal, or tax advice. Staking and Coffee Run distributions are discretionary marketing program rewards — not dividends, not income, not yield, and not a share of any revenue. Digital assets are volatile; you can lose everything. Participation may be restricted in your jurisdiction — check your local laws. Do your own research. The intern is not a licensed financial advisor. The intern is not licensed to do anything except carry coffee, and even that is under review.